READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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