I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
