A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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