Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
