dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's Friday. Sex?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
