Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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