a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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