Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize