we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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