So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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