Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize