i just had sex bonerless
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
