he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
