she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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