no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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