If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
