You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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