just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize