So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
