I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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