i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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