I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
