so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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