we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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