I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Please, let me fuck your mom
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize