Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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