YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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