No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Randomize
