I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When did we convert life to cartoon?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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