Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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