two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
