I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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