He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
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