Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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