He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
