It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
