yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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