On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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