I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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