lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
