How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Boobs speak an international language.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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