You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
