K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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