God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
