it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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