I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
