onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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