I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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