laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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