it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
