just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
