Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
