The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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