I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize