you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
