this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
