Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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