If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
