he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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