My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
