I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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