we have officially lost it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
