if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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