My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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