not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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