The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize