DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
