You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
