I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
