just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
