Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
