Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
