he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
