dude i'm inner monologue high
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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