Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
