talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
ok first of all what the fuck
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
