I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
