I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
