New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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